Less-Ons for More-Ons

Well, here we are at the end of another year.

For me, this year has been an absolute hurricane of change, both externally and internally. I find myself looking around this morning feeling like I have awakened from a terrible nightmare. The illusion where the actions of another have seemingly dictated extreme consequence in my life. The fear and pain of feeling completely out of control of a situation where there was simply no understanding. Feeling out of touch, literally and physically. Lost.

My guiding Spirit tells me that this is the direct result of my reaching out for connection to someone who simply wasn’t ABLE, or willing, to connect with me on the level that I had attempted to connect. The hurt, pain, confusion and subsequent despair that that missed connection created in me was beyond belief. Because I am so completely hardheaded, Spirit had to show this particular lesson to me multiple times, and in different ways during the course of this very difficult year. What I thought was a battle between my attempts at fulfilling my personal needs verses the external universe, and it’s unfathomable plan for either fulfilling or not fulfilling those needs wound up instead being the battle to recognize the boundaries between my needs and the needs of others. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that it is my experience that most of us have really no idea whatsoever what it is that we need. Hell, we don’t even seem to have the ability to recognize when someone is busy meeting the needs that we have that we are apparently otherwise completely unaware of.

This is hard. Coffee would help. Coffee always helps. Be right back.

Purrhaps I am going about trying to describe what I have learned here the wrong way.

Here is a fun way of saying it.

You know? You really never know what you need to know until you know that what you know isn’t what you think you know. You know?

No.

Crap, this is harder than I thought to get.


Okay, let’s try this:

In trying to understand the world around us, there are MANY variables.

The people in the world, the cause and effect relationship between all the people, what they THINK they want, what they REALLY want, how their wants affect us and our wants..........then the same equation setup for NEEDS.........and we haven’t even addressed the issue of people who state their wants and needs as something other than what they really are.....

Damn.

I am NOT giving up here. Is ANY of this making any sense?

There IS a point to all of this. Here it is.

The dynamic of all the needs wants and expectations that the people in our lives have of us and for us EASILY get tied into a huge knot of confusion. There is a way through the confusion.

To my knowledge and experience there is only ONE way to navigate through all this junk.

Truth.

I have to learn how to be honest TO MYSELF, about what it is that I really want. About what it is that I really NEED. I also have to learn to be able to LIVE in that truth and share that truth with the others in my life.

Living in my truth is my lifeline. It allows me to take a step forward and plant a stake of intention into the rock at my feet. It allows me to tie a lifeline to that stake to secure my progress and renew my intention. Without living in that truth, the howling winds of insanity and chaos threaten to sweep me away. They threaten to spin me around and make me walk in circles. They threaten to tangle and even strangle me with my own very good intention.

As I continue on this walk through my life, I have to be aware and learn to determine the difference between other hikers who also live in their truth, and the hikers who have the best intentions, but walk without a lifeline of truth (and are always subject to being blown off course). These hikers will never understand that they are not making progress, because they do not acknowledge the need to use the lifeline of truth. They often have the very BEST of intentions, but are unable to realize them because they are always subject to being blown off course by the winds of chaos and RARELY are even AWARE that such a thing has happened to them in the first place.

Progress is slower and more arduous when a hiker has to pause, to stake intention and tie truth to it at every few paces, but the outcome OF progress by this method is ASSURED.

Moreover, as I become more proficient in this process, I discover that other hikers who use the same method welcome me. The ease of understanding between these hikers is at once intimate and secure. I find that the more I walk with my truth, the stronger that that line has become. My truth will support several hikers in the event of an unforeseen windstorm, and it becomes stronger every day.

This lesson is what I hope that Spirit was trying to teach me this year. Whether or not it was the lesson that was intended is unknown. However, it is the wisdom that I have learned.

Chiron’