I'm reminded of the movie "strange days" whenever nye rolls around. Katherine Bigalow managed to catch that bittersweet emotion on film regarding the feelings of departing the old while simultaneously being pregnant with expectation for the future.
2007 has been at best, one of the most challenging years of my life, so for me, the prospect of 2008 embodies an emergency altitude adjustment toward higher ground.
Here is hoping that you also allow yourself to let go of the old and embrace the new year in high hope of new possibility.
Happy New year!
Love Chiron'
Chiron'
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Less-Ons for More-Ons
Well, here we are at the end of another year.
For me, this year has been an absolute hurricane of change, both externally and internally. I find myself looking around this morning feeling like I have awakened from a terrible nightmare. The illusion where the actions of another have seemingly dictated extreme consequence in my life. The fear and pain of feeling completely out of control of a situation where there was simply no understanding. Feeling out of touch, literally and physically. Lost.
My guiding Spirit tells me that this is the direct result of my reaching out for connection to someone who simply wasn’t ABLE, or willing, to connect with me on the level that I had attempted to connect. The hurt, pain, confusion and subsequent despair that that missed connection created in me was beyond belief. Because I am so completely hardheaded, Spirit had to show this particular lesson to me multiple times, and in different ways during the course of this very difficult year. What I thought was a battle between my attempts at fulfilling my personal needs verses the external universe, and it’s unfathomable plan for either fulfilling or not fulfilling those needs wound up instead being the battle to recognize the boundaries between my needs and the needs of others. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that it is my experience that most of us have really no idea whatsoever what it is that we need. Hell, we don’t even seem to have the ability to recognize when someone is busy meeting the needs that we have that we are apparently otherwise completely unaware of.
This is hard. Coffee would help. Coffee always helps. Be right back.
Purrhaps I am going about trying to describe what I have learned here the wrong way.
Here is a fun way of saying it.
You know? You really never know what you need to know until you know that what you know isn’t what you think you know. You know?
No.
Crap, this is harder than I thought to get.
Okay, let’s try this:
In trying to understand the world around us, there are MANY variables.
The people in the world, the cause and effect relationship between all the people, what they THINK they want, what they REALLY want, how their wants affect us and our wants..........then the same equation setup for NEEDS.........and we haven’t even addressed the issue of people who state their wants and needs as something other than what they really are.....
Damn.
I am NOT giving up here. Is ANY of this making any sense?
There IS a point to all of this. Here it is.
The dynamic of all the needs wants and expectations that the people in our lives have of us and for us EASILY get tied into a huge knot of confusion. There is a way through the confusion.
To my knowledge and experience there is only ONE way to navigate through all this junk.
Truth.
I have to learn how to be honest TO MYSELF, about what it is that I really want. About what it is that I really NEED. I also have to learn to be able to LIVE in that truth and share that truth with the others in my life.
Living in my truth is my lifeline. It allows me to take a step forward and plant a stake of intention into the rock at my feet. It allows me to tie a lifeline to that stake to secure my progress and renew my intention. Without living in that truth, the howling winds of insanity and chaos threaten to sweep me away. They threaten to spin me around and make me walk in circles. They threaten to tangle and even strangle me with my own very good intention.
As I continue on this walk through my life, I have to be aware and learn to determine the difference between other hikers who also live in their truth, and the hikers who have the best intentions, but walk without a lifeline of truth (and are always subject to being blown off course). These hikers will never understand that they are not making progress, because they do not acknowledge the need to use the lifeline of truth. They often have the very BEST of intentions, but are unable to realize them because they are always subject to being blown off course by the winds of chaos and RARELY are even AWARE that such a thing has happened to them in the first place.
Progress is slower and more arduous when a hiker has to pause, to stake intention and tie truth to it at every few paces, but the outcome OF progress by this method is ASSURED.
Moreover, as I become more proficient in this process, I discover that other hikers who use the same method welcome me. The ease of understanding between these hikers is at once intimate and secure. I find that the more I walk with my truth, the stronger that that line has become. My truth will support several hikers in the event of an unforeseen windstorm, and it becomes stronger every day.
This lesson is what I hope that Spirit was trying to teach me this year. Whether or not it was the lesson that was intended is unknown. However, it is the wisdom that I have learned.
Chiron’
For me, this year has been an absolute hurricane of change, both externally and internally. I find myself looking around this morning feeling like I have awakened from a terrible nightmare. The illusion where the actions of another have seemingly dictated extreme consequence in my life. The fear and pain of feeling completely out of control of a situation where there was simply no understanding. Feeling out of touch, literally and physically. Lost.
My guiding Spirit tells me that this is the direct result of my reaching out for connection to someone who simply wasn’t ABLE, or willing, to connect with me on the level that I had attempted to connect. The hurt, pain, confusion and subsequent despair that that missed connection created in me was beyond belief. Because I am so completely hardheaded, Spirit had to show this particular lesson to me multiple times, and in different ways during the course of this very difficult year. What I thought was a battle between my attempts at fulfilling my personal needs verses the external universe, and it’s unfathomable plan for either fulfilling or not fulfilling those needs wound up instead being the battle to recognize the boundaries between my needs and the needs of others. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that it is my experience that most of us have really no idea whatsoever what it is that we need. Hell, we don’t even seem to have the ability to recognize when someone is busy meeting the needs that we have that we are apparently otherwise completely unaware of.
This is hard. Coffee would help. Coffee always helps. Be right back.
Purrhaps I am going about trying to describe what I have learned here the wrong way.
Here is a fun way of saying it.
You know? You really never know what you need to know until you know that what you know isn’t what you think you know. You know?
No.
Crap, this is harder than I thought to get.
Okay, let’s try this:
In trying to understand the world around us, there are MANY variables.
The people in the world, the cause and effect relationship between all the people, what they THINK they want, what they REALLY want, how their wants affect us and our wants..........then the same equation setup for NEEDS.........and we haven’t even addressed the issue of people who state their wants and needs as something other than what they really are.....
Damn.
I am NOT giving up here. Is ANY of this making any sense?
There IS a point to all of this. Here it is.
The dynamic of all the needs wants and expectations that the people in our lives have of us and for us EASILY get tied into a huge knot of confusion. There is a way through the confusion.
To my knowledge and experience there is only ONE way to navigate through all this junk.
Truth.
I have to learn how to be honest TO MYSELF, about what it is that I really want. About what it is that I really NEED. I also have to learn to be able to LIVE in that truth and share that truth with the others in my life.
Living in my truth is my lifeline. It allows me to take a step forward and plant a stake of intention into the rock at my feet. It allows me to tie a lifeline to that stake to secure my progress and renew my intention. Without living in that truth, the howling winds of insanity and chaos threaten to sweep me away. They threaten to spin me around and make me walk in circles. They threaten to tangle and even strangle me with my own very good intention.
As I continue on this walk through my life, I have to be aware and learn to determine the difference between other hikers who also live in their truth, and the hikers who have the best intentions, but walk without a lifeline of truth (and are always subject to being blown off course). These hikers will never understand that they are not making progress, because they do not acknowledge the need to use the lifeline of truth. They often have the very BEST of intentions, but are unable to realize them because they are always subject to being blown off course by the winds of chaos and RARELY are even AWARE that such a thing has happened to them in the first place.
Progress is slower and more arduous when a hiker has to pause, to stake intention and tie truth to it at every few paces, but the outcome OF progress by this method is ASSURED.
Moreover, as I become more proficient in this process, I discover that other hikers who use the same method welcome me. The ease of understanding between these hikers is at once intimate and secure. I find that the more I walk with my truth, the stronger that that line has become. My truth will support several hikers in the event of an unforeseen windstorm, and it becomes stronger every day.
This lesson is what I hope that Spirit was trying to teach me this year. Whether or not it was the lesson that was intended is unknown. However, it is the wisdom that I have learned.
Chiron’
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Volcano
Yesterday I discovered that nothing will send me into a tailspin faster than witnessing a fight in a vehicle on the road. Daddy was very upset for some reason, and mommy was digging in her heels, pushing him….all incredibly evident as observed through the back window of their black truck. Also evident, was the pain that the tiny little girl in the back was experiencing.
With each new burst of emotion spewing out of daddy like a volcano, the vehicle veered slightly on the road and tiny little hands went up to the sides of her precious little head.
Her pain was unbearable to watch. I couldn’t stand it. I had to pull off the side of the road and try to compose myself.
Do they understand that the indulgence of their temporary release of an argument in the car will leave that little girl with scars that will last a lifetime?
Pain is an energy. Once it has been released, it continues on and on and on.
It moves from the one who expresses it to those who are injured by it. Then it comes back out of them and is passed on again. And again. And again.
My hope is that eventually people will become more careful. More aware of how they vent their pain to others. My desire is to see people figure out a way to stop the cycle. I guess what I am trying to say is that it seems most human beings deal with pain with either anger…….or sadness. Fear of being seen as weak and ineffectual prevents most from expressing their sadness. So it becomes anger which is the primary emotion that we use when we are expressing our pain. I vote that instead, we all just acknowledge that when things hurt, we can be sad. We can express that pain with the tears that were given to us by the Divine FOR that purpose. Tears can heal. Anger, can not.
Humanity has convinced itself that we all must be so fearless, so indomitable. Sometimes it seems far more appropriate for us to recognize that we are vulnerable, and that to be so is okay. It is certainly better to be vulnerable than to allow our personal pain to damage others in the process of our own attempts at healing.
With each new burst of emotion spewing out of daddy like a volcano, the vehicle veered slightly on the road and tiny little hands went up to the sides of her precious little head.
Her pain was unbearable to watch. I couldn’t stand it. I had to pull off the side of the road and try to compose myself.
Do they understand that the indulgence of their temporary release of an argument in the car will leave that little girl with scars that will last a lifetime?
Pain is an energy. Once it has been released, it continues on and on and on.
It moves from the one who expresses it to those who are injured by it. Then it comes back out of them and is passed on again. And again. And again.
My hope is that eventually people will become more careful. More aware of how they vent their pain to others. My desire is to see people figure out a way to stop the cycle. I guess what I am trying to say is that it seems most human beings deal with pain with either anger…….or sadness. Fear of being seen as weak and ineffectual prevents most from expressing their sadness. So it becomes anger which is the primary emotion that we use when we are expressing our pain. I vote that instead, we all just acknowledge that when things hurt, we can be sad. We can express that pain with the tears that were given to us by the Divine FOR that purpose. Tears can heal. Anger, can not.
Humanity has convinced itself that we all must be so fearless, so indomitable. Sometimes it seems far more appropriate for us to recognize that we are vulnerable, and that to be so is okay. It is certainly better to be vulnerable than to allow our personal pain to damage others in the process of our own attempts at healing.
Monday, December 3, 2007
A Lighter Touch
Whenever I am feeling down, I mean, REALLY, feeling down, I find myself returning to a section in my media collection that I affectionately refer to as “Life Support”. It is a collection of music and movies which represent the essence of “my ideas”. Some of the music is less about the lyrical content and more about the sound and some of the movies are less about the entertainment than they are about the message. In both cases, I am fully aware that the sounds and lyrics and messages may actually be less about the plastic entity of what is being observed, and more about what these mnemonic devices represent to me. My collection represents the experience I have accumulated during my time on this plane. So, when I run out of juice, when the needle of my spirit is bumping up against the label of my metaphorical lesson, and it's time to turn it over and start again, I find myself returning to Life Support.
I think we all have our own ways of doing this, whether others do as I do or not I really cannot say. What I can say is, the labor of the artists whose work is in my collection I consider to be Divinely inspired. As such, I feel that I/we are eternally in their debt for pushing the envelope to endeavor to complete such projects, and make them available to all of us.
This brings me to today's selection. I would like to personally thank Kevin Smith and everyone involved in the project “Dogma”. I have no doubt that there was enormous resistance to the making of that film. Quite a paradox actually. A film which I am certain was likely condemned by the many very religious people, on the grounds that it is blasphemous, is to me, a film which renews my hope, and my faith in Spirit. I am not really sure what Kevin intended in terms of the emotional response to the end of that film, I can only tell you that for me, it represents the epitome of what I had believed about Spirit all along.....and I think that's pretty cool.
My interpretation of Divine Spirit is one of light, mischievous, quirky, enigmatic, adorable Love.
Or.........if you prefer, smoldering, intense, loyal, unrelenting and undying.........Love.
I find it comforting to think of the Divine as a woman with a fatal attraction for the spirit of humanity. It is comforting because, I know that she will forgive me, if, in my ignorance I unknowingly do things that hurt her. It is from this sacred trust that I may open my heart to the Divine. It is from this sacred place that I may fill my heart with her Love.
Sometimes, I find that I become distracted by all of the junk that goes on in my daily life. Sometimes I actually forget to eat. Sometimes I become stressed and I forget to drink. Sometimes I find I cannot sleep.
Sometimes, I forget that She will ALWAYS Love me.
Because she knows, no matter what I say, no matter what I ever do....how IN Love... I am with her.
I think we all have our own ways of doing this, whether others do as I do or not I really cannot say. What I can say is, the labor of the artists whose work is in my collection I consider to be Divinely inspired. As such, I feel that I/we are eternally in their debt for pushing the envelope to endeavor to complete such projects, and make them available to all of us.
This brings me to today's selection. I would like to personally thank Kevin Smith and everyone involved in the project “Dogma”. I have no doubt that there was enormous resistance to the making of that film. Quite a paradox actually. A film which I am certain was likely condemned by the many very religious people, on the grounds that it is blasphemous, is to me, a film which renews my hope, and my faith in Spirit. I am not really sure what Kevin intended in terms of the emotional response to the end of that film, I can only tell you that for me, it represents the epitome of what I had believed about Spirit all along.....and I think that's pretty cool.
My interpretation of Divine Spirit is one of light, mischievous, quirky, enigmatic, adorable Love.
Or.........if you prefer, smoldering, intense, loyal, unrelenting and undying.........Love.
I find it comforting to think of the Divine as a woman with a fatal attraction for the spirit of humanity. It is comforting because, I know that she will forgive me, if, in my ignorance I unknowingly do things that hurt her. It is from this sacred trust that I may open my heart to the Divine. It is from this sacred place that I may fill my heart with her Love.
Sometimes, I find that I become distracted by all of the junk that goes on in my daily life. Sometimes I actually forget to eat. Sometimes I become stressed and I forget to drink. Sometimes I find I cannot sleep.
Sometimes, I forget that She will ALWAYS Love me.
Because she knows, no matter what I say, no matter what I ever do....how IN Love... I am with her.
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