Holidaze

Well,

here we are at an apparent crossroads.

For me, this is a time period where I traditionally begin the process of evaluating my own progress, my experiences in the past year and my reactions TO those experiences. I imagine that it is the same for everyone. This is why the holidaze can be so crippling to those who are unhappy with their current position on the map of life. Feeling powerless to change the things which make us unhappy can be devastating.

It is usually the point where I remember.....that there really is no condition of being either ahead, or behind. There is only our personal voyage, with the milestones we pass being more of a personal progress indicator than an indicator of relative timeliness of the journey.

For me, on a quiet sunday morning it means a constant stream of images flowing through my mind. There is no joy. There is no sadness. There is no anger. There is no fear. There is only .....me.

Embraced by the quiet of the morning, in solitude.

Suzanne Vegas “Song of Sand” playing quietly in the background.

I am consumed by a desire to understand what has happened to me, but I am aware that there is no information forthcoming that will comfort or encourage me. Regarding anything.

I have a particularly bad habit of trying to ascribe meaning to everything that happens in my life. While very handy as a tool to learn about processes or machines, it’s next to worthless when it comes to trying to develop a deeper understanding of life.

Because life just happens. Perhaps the grand plan of life is that there is no plan. Chaos theory.

Sometimes the frustration of trying to determine accurate cause and effect...or in some cases, affect, can make me feel like all of my marbles have rolled under the piano.




This is the point where I am apparently required to suspend my belief or disbelief in what I think I know and hold on for dear life to the hope that there is something bigger, greater, and more in charge of what is going on in my life. It is extremely difficult.

I have always led my life believing in a higher power. Typically, however, just in case I am wrong in that belief, I have lived with a parallel alternative belief structure. If the statement regarding man being created in God’s image is a metaphor, and Shirley Maclaine was right about the idea that WE are the Divine collectively, then it would follow that the responsibility for what humanity desires to hand off to a Divine power is ours and ours alone.

To sit for a moment and really absorb that idea kind of messes with my head. In the evolution of an organism, a Spirit might shrug off it’s spiritual power, in disbelief of it’s own natural goodness and state of existence. It would be a natural state for an immature Spirit. Hell, it’s what we do as teenagers right? In our world, it’s far easier to believe that we are simply not good enough. That we are flawed. That we rely upon something less flawed than us to guide us. (instead of owning that we are the goodness from which all of God’s love comes) It’s why I feel it is so critical to be ABLE to believe in my fellow brothers and sisters. It is why it can be so devastating to me when people do not act like a kind and loving Spirit.

The most frightening (I suppose) aspect of this, is that the teachings of Jesus overlay this model extremely easily.

If the decision of how humanity’s Divine spirit is manifested is up to us, well then obviously we must necessarily become......like we hope the Divine to be.

In this way we must learn to forgive, we must learn how to love in spite of, and because of ....everything else. We must learn how to absorb the wounds we sustain from others, in a state of grace. WE, would be the love of God, and the forgiveness of our transgressions. The act of becoming the energy we seek to please by harmonic resonance TO that energy. Even if the idea is wrong, can I honestly say that it isn’t what God wants of us? To TAKE responsibility for being GOD-like? To INTERNALIZE these values and LIVE them? With accountability? Responsibility? This is why I do my best to live by a code. I desire God to be pleased with me. I desire to let God’s love and forgiveness and healing come THROUGH me.
As I aspire to be like I hope God would be...

I raise my Spirit.

Like a child, and like a bird taking flight.

We must actively pursue the behavior which will resonate with what we expect the Divine to BE, otherwise we will not resonate in harmony with God’s energy and will not be able to merge with him/her/they/it.

Either way, it pretty much indicates the same value system. The same behavior is required of all of us. To know God’s love and forgiveness, I must learn to BE God’s love and forgiveness. The act of mirroring what we think the Divine expects of us does, make us a mirror of the Divine.


The lesson I have learned from my 42nd year on this world is simple.

The worst thing you can do to anyone, is to withhold your love from them.
To do so, is to withhold God’s love from them.

For those out there like myself, who have no other, make certain you understand that being alone is an emotional statement. Being solitary is a description. Just love without looking for that love to be returned and you will know God’s love. Do not let the holidaze fool you into thinking anything else.

Time continues, and we are time.

Watch me.

Love

Chiron’