Deleterious Delirium

As I sit here feeling like I am on my deathbed, I am reminded in the most curious of ways how the Divine likes to get my attention. I don’t like to come off as preachy or melodramatic, my motivation is actually much more self-centered than anything like that. I grew up in a world where I fell in love with many things; I also grew up in a world that taught me to fear nearly everything and every one. In one of the conversations I had with the Divine as a much younger man, I was told that it is up to us, each Spirit upon this earth, to shape this planet into what it is that we consider comfortable. From that point on, I have done my best to help where I can to affect the changes necessary for this world to be more comfortable for myself, and others like myself, to exist in. I wanted a place to live where people were free to be who they are, from the INSIDE. From where we most closely resemble the essence of what the Divine created us to be; not from the outside where circumstances and convention and all the other dynamics occur to effectively twist and distort our Spirits away from the Divine expression of what we were meant to be actually was. Her Grace assured me that this was a noble path to take but warned me of the potential of discomfort. Of course, being young, and brash, I did what most insolent youngsters do and cast aside all warnings of danger. Part of the luxury of youth is the gross incomprehension of time, and the accompanying knowledge that youth and erroneous perceptions of indestructibility wind up being only a small portion of our lifetime. I knew I had to start small though, so I began one person at a time. Each time I saw a person I could help, I did. For a while this process seemed to be working, although honestly it became something of a conundrum when it appeared that I was making myself out to be a person who more closely resembled a doormat than a human being trying to help others. I found out much later down the road that people are just so not used to someone being good to them, that they wind up being suspicious of my motives, and some, sadly, actively undermined me in an attempt to stop or otherwise disrupt what it is that they saw in me. Eventually this started showing up in my attempts to build a career. Eventually, this manifested itself upon my Spirit in the form of negative self esteem.

I never gave up though, and I will continue this process for as long as I am able.

Those of you who have followed me for any length of time know that I tend to be somewhat opinionated. Outspoken. The previous experiences in my lifetime have helped thicken my skin to the danger of being the one in the crowd who will speak up when things aren’t right. I have many battle scars as a result of undertaking the counter-attack against what I consider to be wrong. Now, while it’s certainly true that as I write this, I cannot actually see unless I close one eye, and I am sitting in a puddle of my own sweat, my head is pounding with an urgency that suggests I may not be around too much longer, there is just this one thing I wish to impress upon any and all who would listen.

I am not any more special than any of you are.

I just elected to suffer the consequence of seeing my will through to the end.
(whether that end be my own, or that of the battle)

EACH of you has the ability, the capacity, the strength and the courage to stand up for what you believe in.

The ultimate test is overcoming your OWN personal objections as to why you cannot, should not or will not do so. You were born with an intrinsic sense of right from wrong, long before you had any person, group, religious doctrine or patriotic flag to tell you the difference. If you look for it in your heart, you’ll find it. It’s waiting for you to listen.

If enough of us stop this process of perpetuating the status quo, if enough of us can begin to see that we are all the same, if ENOUGH of us reach out to one another and realize that bitter people are HURT people….we just might have a chance of turning the tide. It has nothing to do with how much or how little money you make, how well or little known you are, how strong or how weak you are. It has to do with how much you care. It has to do with how much of your original Divinity you can recall. It has to do with your ability to realize that you are living in a very small drop of water, on a leaf, growing on a much bigger pond.

I’m amazed sometimes at how the Divine likes to get my attention. When she wants me to stop, believe me, she’ll find a way. Sometimes I have trouble sitting still. Always I have trouble arresting my mind. With this sickness, she’s managed both.

Ok I gave the message ………..so can I get better now?