Lately, things have been a little more stressed than normal. I feel the whole world is winding up like a clock spring as the collectives stress is going up up up and away. Maybe it's all in my head, but I seriously doubt it. One look at the news confirms that this isn't something that is all in my head.
I was working late this weekend when I met a sweet woman who is a security guard. She took me by surprise really, as I spend so much time alone in my work that I find I sometimes forget my voice. I know that sounds strange, but believe me, not as strange as it feels to have someone talk to you and find yourself waiting for your brain to “boot” the language program (LOL!) I found myself thinking, about her and wondering what a nice young lady such as that was doing spending her time working alone on a weekend. Then I imagined her significant other or her children who must be depending on her. I do my best to ignore my own sense of isolation working alone and late at night, but somehow it hurt me seeing hers. It started me thinking and between some of the conversations I've been having on line and off I have come to get an interesting picture of how we can all become trapped in our perceptions of the world. I have discovered that my own perceptions of the world have been both accurate and skewed.
I have never been a big crowds kind of person and I am completely fascinated by how human beings all come together to do the Saturday night party thing with the disco lights and mass numbers of people all together and so forth. I guess that's where the animal side of me comes forth and is more dominant. As much as I would enjoy being a part of that experience, it's all just too noisy, too much commotion, too much...._______ whatever. I have struggled for years to overcome what I thought was shyness or a social anxiety disorder. Suddenly it occurs to me that maybe, it's nothing of the sort. Maybe I just don't LIKE all that racket. (shrug) But I'm drifting off topic here.
The point is, that having always been on the outside of things in this particular issue, I had formed opinions on what it was that I was missing. I had developed opinions about what those experiences were all about and then found reasons as to why I didn't want to participate in those activities. But something changed in me last night. Celestial or attitudinal I cannot say, but somehow I was granted a peek into another universe. Somehow it all started from seeing this woman.
It was very strange. Everything from the radio station I normally listen to during work hours playing a whole other sound to the clubs I heard booming down the lake with the sounds of their gleeful celebratory thumping. I felt like I was walking through territory so unfamiliar as to just as likely have been walking on the moon. Then I began to think about how everyone is so stressed out now-days.
It seems like the pressure on us to relax and enjoy ourselves when the time finally comes around at the end of the week for us to do so is building to the point where even the act of doing so has become stressful. The result is a human population who is almost FRANTIC in their desire to get some relief during the downtime. (all the while keeping an eye on that clock ever conscious of it's steady tick-tock towards the end of the rest period.)
Folks. We just REALLY need to chill the hell OUT. This isn't right. We shouldn't GET this wound up, and if we are, what does that say about our way of life? So we don't make the profit we were hoping for....who cares? Humanity needs to apply the brakes here or we are all going to run off of the proverbial road. Maybe we have already.
So the next thing to happen is that today I lay down for a nap, and I have this incredible dream. I dream I am under the supervision of someone who is watching over me. Someone who, at a moments notice pulled me up from out of my regular world and put me into a new one. I awoke in a new space, which was so drastically different from where I live as to be in another alien landscape. My benefactor had somehow while I was passed out fixed both my eyes and my teeth. The familiar pain that I live with daily was miraculously gone, leaving me so disoriented as to make me want to walk closely to walls and hold on to items when I moved. Somehow, I was being given a second chance to live a different life. One where I didn't have to worry about money. Health care. Security. One without pain or fear. One where I could just be myself without fear of being judged or limited. One where the people in the world celebrated me for being who and what I am. In short, A world without pain. At this point I began to panic, (obviously, because a world without pain in my knowledge pretty much means that I was dead or dying, and every instinct I had was to fight this) and I awoke in a sweat. (and promptly spit out another piece of one of my teeth. I must have ground my teeth in my sleep from the anxiety). I would lament this to a great degree except that the constant setbacks and disappointments in my life have become so commonplace as to no longer illicit any overt reaction from me. I'm alive and functioning and that is what counts. But the dream haunts me, and the feelings it evoked in me are unlikely to fade like the dream has.
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