Cat as Catch Can

I’ve been keeping my nose to the grindstone for an extended period of time now. I have finally understood what it is that causes people to turn away from their inner imp and focus instead on hammering away at what seems to be important in this life. (Que The Pretenders song “Back on the chain-gang) Personally, I have been hurling that hammer against the seemingly unyielding rock of many aspects of my life. What starts with energy, drive, and determination eventually give way to a state of exhaustion. I find it difficult to continue to throw my hammer against that rock of my life, and when I cannot lift it over my head anymore I find that inner space where the energy of my desire and intent has balanced with the apparent lack of progress and my exhausted resignation to continue.

Sometimes I have to stop and weigh the progress of my work against the time and energy I have spent towards that endeavor. It becomes obvious that although progress is being made, that I either need to abandon the task or find a bigger hammer.

It started with a single big rock. (Que lyrics from Funkadelic’s “One nation under a Groove”) It was blocking my path and I was irritated by it. I yelled at it. I screamed at it. I kicked it. I threw my shoulder against it. I used the force on it. No matter what I did, that *&#@!!!!!### rock wouldn’t move.

It seriously pissed me off.

The power of it’s unyielding presence intimidated me. It frustrated me and inspired a fury within me that I have never known to date. A fury so powerful that it frightened those around me, and in my heart of hearts, it frightened me a little too.

It awakened the pure animal Spirit within me as I seemed to revert into my more base animal instincts. As I slashed and clawed, hissed and growled at the rock it became apparent in my rage that my totem was that of a big Cat.

When the only way out of place appears to be blocked by a big rock, I had two choices. Find a way to remove the rock, or, accept that the Creator and the Universe has blocked my path for a reason that I cannot see or understand.


And so the work began. As I brought my powerful hammer down upon that rock, I was given a sense of hope as small bits and pieces yielded to my strength and fell away. Encouraged, I increased my effort and more of this rock shattered under the force of my will.


I continued hammering away at the rock. Shards of the rock blew back at me and cut me. I continued with bloody hands and the sweat of my exertion blinded my eyes. Then I had a setback as I discovered that the rock had varying densities. The core of the rock was unbreakable. I tried everything, but it just wouldn’t yield. Anger became futility. Futility became sadness. Sadness became serious depression.

Eventually, I acknowledged that this was the end of that path.


So I decided (typically of me) that if I had to have this rock in the path of my life, that by God I was going to at very least leave my mark upon it. If my path of progress toward my desire and intent had been arrested (never mind that I really don’t know what that is), then I had no choice but to set up camp and figure out my next move. If I had to look at that rock every day then I was going to at least shape it into a more pleasing state. If this is to be where I am to stop, well then I would celebrate this rock as the milestone to the end of my travels and make it the centerpiece of my garden. I began on the soft pieces of the rock that I could remove easily. There was no thought to what I was doing. I merely cut away what seemed useless and unnecessary.

I worked on this rock for years. It occurs to me that I will likely spend the rest of my life hammering on this rock. But it really doesn’t matter, as I am trapped here, and there isn’t really anything else to do.

So I stopped for now. I’ve decided to rest. I’ve been chipping away on this rock for a very long time and I’ve never taken a break from the task since it started.

I threw the tools down and walked away from the rock.

For the first time since I began this project, I have laid eyes on what I have been unconsciously working on.

As I turned around to look at that rock, I realized that I had carved it into my own likeness.

As I stare at it in wonder and confusion, I realize that it’s beautiful.

Tears well up as I begin to have a glimmer of understanding of why it marks the end of that path, and why I will work on it for the rest of my life.