Marathon

The Kite Festival


Well, all week long I’ve been feeling anxious and tense without knowing what was going on.

This morning, I woke up and finally it hit me like an avalanche of pain.

Today is the Kite Festival.

For me, it’s an anniversary of sorts. Something that I really loved that I shared with someone I really loved. Someone who didn’t love me back.
I would love to be able to go, but I can’t. It’s still too painful. It’s incredible how something so innocuous can sneak up on me and just totally wipe me out with emotion.

I have been doing so much better lately, and now I feel like I have to start all over again. At times like this it feels like I will never escape this pain. Maybe the feeling will pass.


The magnitude of emotion that I am experiencing is really unbelievable. So powerful as to be able to seemingly wipe out all the sense of progress that I have made. It is able to minimize all of my accomplishments while maximizing my sense of futility, loss.


Lately it feels like my heart has been going through an obstacle course, and it hasn’t been doing very well. My tears blind me to what is up ahead. True to my nature, whether I clear the hurdles or not I keep going. It’s the only thing that I really know. . To just keep going. Like the stitch of pain in the side of a runner, the pain and emotion tries to disable me. Just keep going. Ignore the bloodcurdling screams of pain from within. Just keep going. Ignore the feelings of weak exhaustion and hopelessness. Just keep going. I have no understanding of where my destination lies, or why I find myself in this race. Just keep going. Eventually the pain and the run become one. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going.

“Don’t Stop.”