Staring into the Abyss...

All this time I have been desirous of being able to take the time to just stop.

To reflect, and ponder the state of my affairs, to stop and check for my position on the map and ensure I am still on my intended path or find out that I have wandered into the rough.

I had a curious twist of insight, when I realized that in my ulitmate frustration of not being able to get anything done, that no matter what my intention I wound up each time I had an opportunity to sit still......that sitting still has been just about ALL that I could accomplish. The frustrations mounted continuously until, poised at the brink of an incredible silent scream, I realized........that maybe sitting still is what I am being directed to do. That Spirit has stopped me dead in my tracks with neck problems for....a reason.

Funny how I wasn’t able to manage to put together into my head the curious synchronicity of having an overwhelming DESIRE to sit still and do nothing with the overwhelming physical circumstance of not being ABLE to do anything more than sitting still. Yet still, I fought it. I am conditioned by this world to believe that because it is my nature to be still and reflect that this is a bad thing. I have been conditioned by the necessity of playing catch-up all the time to experience extreme guilt or anxiety if I am not constantly using the free time I have to attempt to gain ground in regard to my to-do list.

But is that really it? Not just for me, I mean, but for all of us?

Could it be that the reason we have difficulty sitting still anymore is because we have difficulty dealing with our lack of purpose when no task defines us with it’s necessity?

Could it be?

To be able to sit still. To be able to acknowledge self in the silence of stillness is to not use the denial of the mundane to shy away from the issue that we all must....inevitably.....face.

What purpose do I serve? Why am I here? What the HELL is this all about?





Corny as it may sound, I’ve always believed that I was here to do one thing. I’ve always believed I was here for the primary purpose of giving love to everyone. Ok, there is that, but the primary reason I am here is to teach a little bit. Yet the primary reason I am here is to consume mass quantities of fresh pizza. Yup, that and the primary reason that I am here is to be the consumer of fine chocolate. That is, when I’m not doing my primary purpose of drinking only the best coffee. I try to work that in when I’m not doing my primary work, bringing hope and a smile to those who need it. But it’s not all sweetness and light you know, sometimes I have the unpleasant duty of my primary purpose, witch is to teach through adversity. To bring about the circumstances witch will enable a spirit to burn away all of it’s impurities, so that it may recognize it’s own divine reflection. However, my primary purpose here is to be a lover of women.
That is, until I have to fulfill my primary purpose of living by example. Then there’s that other thing, my primary purpose, which is to teach each and every human being I meet, of how incredibly special, and beautiful they are, which is usually a very difficult task because they have been taught otherwise. Sometimes, I am called on to engage in my primary purpose, which is to challenge belief structures and show that everything is all part of the same ...pie.

I guess until I am called upon for my primary purpose, I’ll just sit here a while and stare into the abyss.