Chambers of the Heart

What is the terror that we experience when something we have asked for with all of our heart is .........given ...........to us?

Is it so much to believe that we can actually have what it is that we ask for?

What makes us not only hesitate, but in fact actively deny ourselves a gift that seems to come directly from the Divine?

Is it the peculiarity of the random nature of WHAT of our many requests specifically appear to be granted to us which create the barriers within us? Are those the barriers that prevent us from accepting the gift when it finally arrives? Is it a fact that we define our reality based on what we desire, and whether or not that desire can or will ever be fulfilled? Can the conditioned response that we get from being blocked when we reach out for something actually wind up being the blockage created by ourselves when what we have asked for is finally, belatedly put within our grasp?

Are we unconsciously limiting ourselves in what we can have of our desires because on some level we do not feel worthy of receiving the very things that we beg for? Are we so arrogant that we assume to be a better judge of worthiness than the Divine?

Does it wind up being a two part process? We ask the Universe or the Divine for something, and then after it is provided for us we disallow it from manifesting in our lives because we are unsure of our worthiness? Is it a case of God may forgive us, but we cannot forgive ourselves or each other?

Is our fear of accepting a gift seemingly from the Divine evidence of a lack of complete trust in the Divine? We struggle every single day to learn to develop an accord with what it is that we reach for, verses what we are apparently allowed to have. When we ask for something that we desire but do not believe that it is possible for us to have, isn’t it our disbelief of possibility that which prevents us from accepting the very thing that we have asked for?

I believe that it is.

I think that once we have made up our minds (as the result of purely self protective guardianship) that something is not within our reach, to acknowledge that what we have asked for has been presented to us threatens to contradict our well developed notions about what our reality actually is, how it works, and what our place is in it. When we are given something which is in direct contradiction of our personal reality construct, we are suddenly forced to deal with a discrepancy which is an acknowledgment that our personal and collectively defined reality doesn’t take into consideration the possibility of that which we have no explanation for.

Once something like this happens in our life, we are afraid to accept what is offered because to close our fingers around something we have desired for so long requires us to relinquish our understanding of how such a thing came to be. Most of us live in a sort of self denied state of terror as it is. To acknowledge that our understanding of our existence and our role in it is unknown is the final nameless faceless horror in each of our lives. Without our carefully defined mechanistic world, we would have nothing to hold on to. Nothing to keep us anchored in our understanding of what reality is and the causality of our interaction WITH it.

If this is true, then it follows that we wind up being our own guides through this plane of existence. We limit ourselves in what we allow ourselves to know, to experience, or what desires we have we will allow ourselves to have. This actually makes sense and lends itself to the idea of Karma and the cycle of transformation.

We are given a passkey though, we can skip some of the more detailed lessons that we don’t need if we can show that we have a full working understanding of the main lesson above which the smaller lessons are grouped.

We’d have to describe it this way.

Yes.

Yes I can have my hearts desire, but am I really ready for that?

Yes I can have my hearts desire, but is what I desire what I really NEED?

Yes I can have my hearts desire, but only if I can get my mind and my heart around the fact that the Divine is right before me, offering to me what it is that I have requested?

Then the question becomes much more simple, and complex.

What is it that I really desire? What is it that my Higher Self wants me to know? What will my Higher Self allow me to have that the Divine has offered me? Will my {lower}self allow me to accept what is being offered, or will my {lower}self refuse it out of a sense that I don’t deserve it? A sense that I should be punished by disallowing that which I desire but feel unworthy of?

I could skip the lessons involved if I learned how to just be.

I could skip the lessons involved if I learned how to just forgive.

I could skip the lessons involved if I learned how to just Love.

I could skip the lessons involved if I learned that I am not in control.

I could skip the lessons involved if I learned to relinquish expectation.

I could skip the lessons involved if I learned to stop trying to work my will.

I could skip the lessons involved if I learned that I am beautiful, and that the beauty I share with others is God’s grace as much as it is an expression of my own.

I could skip the lessons involved if I could but learn that I am a vessel.
That everything I am and everything I do is as much a part of God as it is a part of me.

I could skip the lessons involved if I could but feel that God is inside of me.

I could skip the lessons involved if I could not fear the loss of myself as I reach out to join with the Divine. (for how can I be lost if what I am is the essence of the Divine?)

Maybe the biggest challenge that I face here on earth is the challenge of trusting that I have God within me, and as a result of that, that I am within God?

Until I am able to overcome these lessons I may remain trapped.....

trapped within the chambers of my own heart.

Deep Space Distress Signal

The flickering lights illuminated her face. The strobe had the effect of stretching the images into horrific twisted shapes. The darkness burned the last seen image upon the retina’s, into her brain. The fragile eggshell of her shelter from space shuddered and the sound of fatigued metal sang it’s death song to her. She heard none of it. The sound of her own hammering heartbeat was all that she could hear. That, and the static of an unresponsive communications link.

“Hello? This is

Can anyone hear me?”

“I need help”

“Oh puleease please please....dear GOD please help me”





What is it about the very concept of a Deep Space Distress Signal that seems to access the most primitive of fears in the human psyche?

The fear of being left behind. Forgotten. Left to die. Abandoned.

The fear of not being able to be self sufficient. Or, to put it another way,

The fear of not being ABLE to take care of oneself.

That, my friends, is true, fear.

Throughout the course of our lives, we will face this fear, over and over again. Like a Demon it will return to frighten us, usually when we feel least able to fight against it. But that is, after all, it’s nature.

There are so many openings in our lives where this Demon may try to sneak in and make us doubt what we should never doubt. From something as simple as the ultimate stress of being put into the light, under the glare of judgment, a test, a performance, a trial, or a rite of passage....to the extreme of learning how to function in the absence of a loved one. A separation or a death.

This Demon is like most other Demons. It is a Demon until we master it’s lesson. Once we overcome our fear then we have the ability to see that the Demon is really an Angel, an Angel who has come to teach us that one single thing. The most important of messages we will ever know.

The lesson that no matter WHAT happens..................................We can do it.

It may not be pretty, we may not get style points, but we can it make through to the other side.

Like an angry drill instructor our Angel will mercilessly corner us in our fear until we accept that vital piece of information.

We can do it, and we WILL do it.

We will do it or deal with the wrath of a very pissed off Angel whose job it is to punish us with our fear until we have had enough and turn to face it.

So the next time you feel the chilling cold of deep space, and nobody answers your radio, I want you to remember that as the fear mounts and your voice gets caught in your throat, and your heart starts hammering to the point where it feels like it will explode, that what you are feeling is your Angel. I want you to know that he is hard core. Old school. Fucking MEAN. That fear you feel is his pitchfork, goading you. Pushing you. Challenging you. He wants you to turn around and face that fear and scream at him to step the hell OFF.

Because you can DO this. By YOURSELF if you have to.

And he and you both KNOW it.

As any seasoned Soldier will tell you, two of his oldest friends are fear and pain.

Both will keep you from ever being truly alone. Both will keep you alive.



“This is Alpha Omega responding to received distress signal.....over”