Mothers Day

A time to recognize and honor our mothers. A celebration of not just the feminine, but specifically the aspect of feminine nurturance and sacrifice.

Mother’s Day is more than just a moment in time to remember those who have sacrificed of themselves for our benefit. It is a time to recognize the Divine aspect of what a mother really is to us.

“Mother is the name for God from the lips of children.”

This is a quote from the movie “The Crow” as I’m sure you’ll all remember. I think I got it right, but I’m too tired to look it up, but you get the idea.

It made me wonder upon hearing it what that meant that the word “Father”, was supposed to mean. Does that mean that “Father” represents Satan?

(laughing)

From this I went on to think about how “To Mother” isn’t necessarily limited to women.

Strangely, some of the most nurturant people I have ever known, were in fact, men.

So what is it that we celebrate of our mothers on this day?

I submit that what we are really celebrating is our very first relationship.

First contact.

From the moment we were conceived, our mothers were there. They were the first person that we became aware of. They were the liason between the world we do not now remember, and the world where we reside today.

All of us are raised with the unmistakable bias of what our mothers thought. We are an extension of them. Their pain, their pleasure, their hopes and dreams and even their fear.

The intimate bond between our Mothers and ourselves is perhaps the single most significant aspect of the human condition...which we all share regardless of race, religion, nationality, or even our sex. If we are alive, then at one point we had a Mother. A woman who cherished us and didn’t qualify the unconditional love that she gave to us.



We all want our Mothers to be proud of us. We all want her to know that no matter how many years have passed, or how many miles are between us, or even how many disagreements that have ever come between us, that at our deepest core, we want and need their approval and their Love.

Our Mothers don’t make life easy for us. They push us and challenge us to do things that we might never have the courage to try without them firmly behind us. They can drive us to the brink of insanity with their inflexibility and their quirky idiosyncratic personality traits, and yes, sometimes with their pitchfork. They were and are an extension of THEIR Mothers. The Divine nature of our Mothers has been passed down through time and space into the heart and eyes of the woman standing before you. All of her Love, and all of her pain are a part of who she is. Equally, all of her Love and pain is a part of who we are. Sometimes I wonder if all the world might become at peace if we could only erase our mothers pain.

Mothers Day is a day to recognize the beautiful aspect of self sacrifice. For our Mothers have given much in order for us to be.

My Mother is incredible. She has helped fashion me into who I am. She has taught me Love and discipline, self sacrifice and purity. She is the anvil upon which I was forged by the hammer of life. She knows me in ways that I don’t even know myself. She knows my strengths and my weaknesses. She is my author, and I am one of her masterpieces.

I hope that what I give to the world is worthy, of what my mother sacrificed to create me.

I love you mom.

Chiron’

Third Wind

In memory of Reed Murray.

I am finally beginning to grasp the concept that when I, myself, am undergoing terrific movement in my world... that it isn’t just me in that world experiencing movement.

With this in mind I’d like to take a moment, a breather, and pause for a second to encourage everyone that this................all this...............is just a process of falling away and coming to be.

As I continue down my path I am more and more convinced that of the many theories that I’ve had regarding life and existence on this planet, that the one of “EarthSchool” is gaining ground in becoming my foremost opinion.

As I sit here this morning nursing the many aches and pains that my body reports to me, I also become aware that all of these various aches and pains are highly reflective to me in a very physical way of my passage through the experiences of the last week.

Our Corpus boatshow always brings about an opportunity for all of us at the shop to display to ourselves and each other that we can not only function under extreme duress, but that we can do so and still manage to let the best of who we are come out and come forth. I cannot help but find it strangely ironic that the Corpus Christy boatshow is located in a place named after the body of Christ. In the last two years, each time we have had this show I have simultaneously been required by the Universe to release a lot of things that I have been holding on to.

This morning I listen to October Projects “Return to Me” first thing upon waking in the morning with my cup of over-strong starbucks colombian coffee. I like to put Vanilla Caramel “coffee dust” as I call it, in there and what happened originally as an accident has now seemingly become somewhat of a ritual.

I used to listen to this song thinking of my ex, but lately, more and more I realize that it was indicative of the rune representing messages. The reference of “Return to Me” is that of my Higher Self, or maybe even the Divine talking to me trying desperately to get my attention. There is just something about the key of this song. The way it begins with notes stretching forward, but not necessarily up or down. It is music that to me represents a lateral stretch, forward. I can listen to it over and over, and I do.




So now, I listen to the same music with a completely different emphasis.
Now, upon my day off, I follow this simple ritual to call myself back. To consciously bring myself back to center space and to love and encourage myself as well as to acknowledge the dust on me from the path that I travel.

The latest lesson I believe I have been being taught was that of “acceptance”. Last year I lost a great deal of control in my life and became terrified that I could no longer move forward under my own power with any sense of sanity because I couldn’t manage to stay in control of even the smallest aspects of what occurred in my life. I lost people close to me, I lost material possessions and finally, I seemed to lose the need to be at the helm of my life. It was extremely painful and depressing.

Family and friends refused to give up on me and although their methods weren’t always appreciated, they did manage to keep poking me with a stick in one way or another until I began to move again, if for no other reason than out of my own agitated irritation.

I suppose another way of putting it would be that I was a ship on the water running at full speed until I threw a rod. I didn’t just break a drive componet, I torched the entire drive-train. I continued to move forward on the same heading for a while as the inertia of my immense effort finally faded away leaving me motionless in the water, drifting without power or directional control.

I spent a good while motionless, listening to the water lapping up against my ship, just thinking about things. About the time I was ready to abandon ship, something I never expected happened. The soft breath of the wind blew in off the water.

I suppose that is the lesson. It’s fine to go tearing about in my ship under the well developed horsepower of my will, as long as I remain mindful that, on occasion, it’s really best to raise a sail and allow myself to be carried in a direction that I normally wouldn’t have thought to go.

Reed Murray was one of my Warrior Brothers.

In the middle of the insanity that is my life, I took time out to attend a Warrior meeting seemingly against my better judgment as far as spending time away from the itinerary of my lifes various deadlines.

Of the many many men that were at that meeting, I seemed to keep bumping into Reed. I thought it was funny at the time. We were trying to get something organized and because Reed is such a natural leader, I kept asking him questions about what he wanted done here or there.

I had asked him, who was in charge? (so that I could direct my questions to the person who was running the show)

He finally became irritated with me and told me with a loving smile that when I was running the show, I could do things like I wanted to.

Such a strange message to be the last thing he ever said to me.

Reed Murray was killed in a motorcycle accident on Tuesday.

The look in his eyes when he last looked at me will remain with me forever.

Reed Murray was a man of Love.

I aspire to be like you Reed. I thank you for being in my life and sharing your wisdom with me. Thank you for helping teach me the lesson that sometimes, you just have to let go, and that it’s not a bad thing, but just a thing.

Love
Chiron’

Quiet Storm

Clouds scurried across the horizon, twisting and writhing their way across the sky in autumn colors.

The sun, low , a brilliant orange orb. He stared at it, but it wasn’t bright enough to blind him.

The wind idly caressed his body...teasing his emotions. Punctuating his thoughts.

He felt this particular .....moment.

He knew instinctively, that this was a turning point. He felt the universe waiting......

wondering what he would do.

He was at peace.

The flurry of humanity around him receded in his awareness.

A warm feeling surrounded him as he looked off into the sunset.

This was familiar.

He knew this feeling. He’d felt it before. A curious sense of deja’vu.

Someone was here. He could sense their presence.

It was kind. Understanding. Consoling.

As he realized what he was experiencing, a flock of birds took off into the sky before him, as if in answer to his silent query.

He realized there were tears flowing down his cheek. So beautiful, he thought.

Suddenly his body was wracked with emotion. An unexpected sob threatened to break the spell.

It didn’t.

He felt his fear and sorrow melt away as the sun bathed him in orange light.

It was so quiet he felt like he could actually hear the suns movement.


"so you are God", he whispered.


He felt like he had been winked at.

So much was communicated to him in that moment, and yet not a single thought entered his head. He was afraid he would miss it, forget it, not get it.

The presence just brushed his hair lightly, held his heart, and whispered to him.

"I love you."

"I’m here."

"it’s going to be okay"

The feeling trailed away with the last light of the sun as it silently dipped under the horizon.

He felt his consciousness snap back and he thought, "did that really just happen?"

He thought he must be really losing his grasp of reality.

Well, regardless of whether it did or didn’t actually happen, it was beautiful, and it made me feel better, he thought.

He got back into his vehicle and began to get back on the road.

He had loaded some new music on his mp3 player. He hadn’t listened to it yet. Perhaps this was a good time?

He queued up the first song. Jose Gonzales. Curious. He didn’t remember loading any religious music on the player. The song said it was called, "crosses".

He was well on his way now, entering the interstate highway, when the lyrics to the song hit him.



"Don’t you know that I’ll be around to guide you
Through your weakest moments to leave them behind you
Returning nightmares only shadows
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright for now

Crosses all over, heavy on your shoulders
The sirens inside you waiting to step forward
Disturbing silence darkens you sight
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright for now

Crosses all over the boulevard
Crosses all over the boulevard
Crosses all over the boulevard
Crosses all over the boulevard

The streets outside your window overflooded
People staring, they know you’ve been broken
Repeatedly reminded by the looks on their faces
Ignore them tonight and you’ll be alright
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright"


His mind reeled as he realized what had just happened...and the tears

came again.

and again.

and again.

For the first time in almost a year, he felt genuine hope, and more than a little awe.

It's ..about...Time

(or, incoherent ramblings of a mad scientist)


The sound of a clock ticked loudly in his ears.

He thought about the spaces between the ticks.

It seemed as if a whole universe of life could exist in that short period of time, if only one were moving fast enough. He wondered if the knowledge of the concept of elapsed time was the subconscious programming that we all unconsciously adopt....and by embracing it, seal our own fates to be measured in such a manner. It naturally brings up the question that if we were to outright REJECT the concept of time as being linear and mechanical, would our understanding of what time is be any different?

He knows that there is both fast time, and slow time. That even within the construct which was seemingly unmoved by actual perception, time was yet still elusive and somehow still managed to not allow itself to be pinned down by man.

He thought that maybe time wasn’t in fact just a concept, but rather a force of nature. A physical thing which came in differing relative densities. As we pass through fast time, the day will end with us surprised, still remembering the morning yawns and the confusion about how long it appeared to take an exorbitant amount of time to do the simplest things, like wake up with a cup of coffee.

Yet some of the time, he experienced slow time. No amount of activity, diversion or even sleep would seem to hurry things along.

Perhaps the mechanical time of his clock is actually just a metronome, to standardize the fast and slow time pulses that we all individually experience, and thereby homogenizing the experience of time for everyone?

He pondered the latent anagram of the word time. Emit. Emit what?
Energy? Light? Activity? Life?

Life.

Emitting life. Now that has a nice ring to it. As if our lifeforce were something we came out of the womb with.....bottled up inside of us and we spend it every moment until it is exhausted.

Certainly that is ONE aspect of time, but half of the time we don’t experience time as a commodity which manifests itself to us in surplus.

When was the last time that you heard someone pause, and say, “yes......we have some time”? More often what we all hear is frantic frightened wails of spirits who run across the motion picture of our lives like some cameo appearance of a certain rabbit, lamenting how they haven’t ENOUGH time. Some so agitated that their overloaded schedule has driven them into a sort of almost robotic frenzy as they attempt to do all the things that they would normally do, but in a kinda fast forward way of doing it.

It makes me wonder about the whole time thing. The simple explanation for time and it’s inherent short supply of it relates back to the number of time-consuming things that we feel we must accomplish by a certain deadline. Humanity as a whole has a tendency to attempt to shorten the length of time that these items on our “to-do list” require of us. But the odd solution may in fact be the best one. Instead of attempting to increase the physical speed of our bodies and running willy-nilly trying to do everything faster, maybe what is called for instead is to simply increase the speed of our own internal frequency?

As we raise our level of awareness we become more sensitized to how we think, and also, what...we think. As we become more aware of our own thought processes, we may also become aware of how much time we spend on redundancy. (How many times must we repeat a certain scenario in our head before we accept that what we have constructed as a representative model is something that we accept as a truth)

What if we could increase the effenciency of our thought processes to the point where we gain time by reducing the mental crosstalk which otherwise blocks or disrupts positive action in a given amount of time?

This seems to make sense, however, it implies that the way to move faster through time is to increase our mental speed, and slow our physical speed. This in and of it itself is an entirely OTHER can of worms.

There are two aspects of time. One, the aspect of time which is measured or experienced by the spirit of a body, the other, the aspect of the physical body itself.

This would support the idea that the most basic aspect of time in terms of the experience OF time by a physical being, would be the speed at which our bodies extract energy from a protein source and exchange waste in the process of chemically processing energy sources. This aspect of time appears to be somewhat fixed. (other than the slight variation we can achieve by raising our metabolism)

The Spirit however is not limited to such time constraints. Our spirit is energy, and of course the next logical question is, does our spirit have the ability to keep itself energized without the aspects of energy that the physical body transfers to it? If we believe that a spirit moves on and leaves the physical body behind when the body expires, then we must postulate that the energy developed by the body winds up being merely FOR the body and not the spirit. This suggests that although it may be possible for the spirit of our body's to manipulate time, that our bodies may only experience time in a fixed linear way.

This theory sets a foundation for the understanding of how a spiritual experience may occur in a “different time zone” than what the body experiences.

And that’s just a little bit .....about time.

Happy Anniversary ...

To me! Whoo hoo!

April 2008 marks my being a part of the Austin Warrior community for a year now.

It's been a very tough topsy-turvy freak the hell OUT kinda year, but thanks to the love and support of my fellow Warrior Brothers, it was nothing I couldn't handle.

My deepest thanks and gratitude to the men who reached out a hand to me and invited me into their clan. It has been an honor to be included in a group of men who are dedicated to reaching out in assistance to other men.

As we continue forward in bringing together our dream of the Austin Warrior Training Center, I just wanted to honor you all for the time, energy and LOVE that you have shown me over the last year.

In the coming year, I will continue to work on myself and assist others in ...

"Holding space for the next man"

Ferocious Feline

Ham-let

This is something I wrote with the release of Gibsons remake of Hamlet. Enjoy.



HAMLET


SHAKESPEARES SPIRIT DOTH ROLL IN IT’S GRAVE
AS CLOSE TO GIBSON AS A PRATTLEING KNAVE
GOD KNOWS WHAT HE MEANT WHEN HE WROTE THE PLAY
OH HAMLET , DEAR HAMLET, WHAT DECISION HAVE YOU MADE?
IS IT BETTER TO PLAY DUMB, AND TURN THE OTHER CHEEK?
OR WILL ZEUS & APOLLO FIND YOU A BIT TOO MEEK?
IS IT BETTER TO MAKE THE BEST OF THE DEAL
AND WASH CLAUDS BRIGHT SCARLET FROM YOUR SHINING STEEL?
YOU THINK OF THE WAY, YOU SHOULD BEHAVE
BASED ON THREADBARE CUSTOMS, OR SHOULD YOU SAVE
YOUR SOUL IN FORGIVENESS, MAY DAD FIGURE HIS PEACE
THE KINGS TORMENT OVER YEARS YOU COULD KEEP
BUT AS IT WAS WRITTEN YOU DIE IN YOUR SLEEP
NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE CHANCE OF DEFEAT
THUS JOINING YOUR FATHER IN ETERNAL TORMENT
YOU THRICE LET HIM DOWN NO CHILDREN TO CARRY ON
NO HEIR TO THE THRONE AND YOUR MOTHER IS GONE
AT THE RISK OF APPEARING QUITE RUTHLESS AND MEAN
I MENTION YOUR LOVE THAT YOU KILLED FOR A SCREAM
DIDN’T YOU CARE ENOUGH FOR HER TO GIVE HER A WINK
FOR THE NEXT TIME YOU SAW HER, WAS FACE-DOWN, IN THE DRINK?
AND WHAT OF HER BROTHER, SO YOUNG AND NAIVE
THE KING PICKED HIM WELL FOR HIS NEXT EVIL DEED.
ARE YOU SURE OH HAMLET IN BRIGHT SHINING LIGHT
THAT YOU DID HIM NO WRONG IN ACCEPTING THE FIGHT?
HAMLET OH HAMLET SO FULL OF THYSELF
DID YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN THY POKED IN THY SNOUT?

Dog

AM I CAPTAIN OR AM I GRUNT
SPIRIT TO GUIDE ME, OR WILL I PUNT
THE BALL IN THE DIRECTION, THAT I AM TOLD
AND WHEN I KICK IT, WILL I BE GOLD
TO THE MAN, WHOMEVER, IT MAY BE,
WHO DRAGS MY LEASH WHEN I NEED TO PEE?

I AM A DOG FOR ALL SEASONS
I’M TAUGHT TO SIT, I’M TAUGHT TO BARK
I’M TAUGHT TO USE CAUTION, WHEN LEAVING MY MARK
I’M TOLD TO FOLLOW ALL OF THE RULES
AND WITHIN THE BOUNDRIES, I’M FREE TO CHOOSE
MY FATE
MUSTN’T PROCRASTINATE
IF I DO IT WILL BE TOO LATE
AND THEN I WON’T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY CAKE
UNLESS I’M AN OFFICIAL ON THE TAKE
BETTER TO JUST SET THE DATE
CHASE $MONEY AND LEAVE DREAMS TO FADE
‘CAUSE MONEY IS SOMETHING GOOD TO YOU
AND DREAMS ARE JUST A PILE OF GOO.


IS LIFE AT WORK SOMETHING YOU HATE
OR CAN YOU WORK AND CONSIDER IT GREAT?
ALL I KNOW IS IN ORDER TO HAVE TIME
YOU MUST GIVE UP FORTUNE AND LIVE ON A DIME
AND IF PERCHANCE ITS MONEY YOUR NEEDEN’
THEN GIVE ALL YOUR TIME AND FORGET ABOUT FREEDOM.


Chiron’
Bad Labs©1992