Doing the right thing.
Believe it or not...
human beings tend to always want to do the right thing. Usually, they do, too. It only becomes more difficult to make the correct choices, when those choices are counterbalanced by personal interest, or muddied by the confusion of trying to make choices for someone else’s “best interest”.
Once we allow ourselves to succumb to the temptation of making choices for someone else, even if it appears to be in their “best interest”, we are effectively eliminating that persons free will. If we take action to block someone’s free will, or through inaction, allow someone else’s free will to be lost, what would we really be doing? Can we honestly say that taking free will from another human being is the right thing to do? Sometimes the universe teaches us lessons in reverse. I’m referring to hardship. Doesn’t it follow then, that if a circumstance appears dire and we believe that someone is making the wrong choices, that to step in and make decisions that block or disallow that individuals free will is the wrong thing to do?
Beyond the consequence of obvious manipulation of the circumstance surrounding another human being, the REAL issue here is that in participating in such an event, we are basically displaying a lack of faith in the universe, or the Divine. We would be telling the Divine, “no, it’s okay God, I’ve got this one. I know what’s best for someone else, even more than you do.”
It is a curious question to think about. The evaluation of such a circumstance becomes further complicated by still other, even bigger questions.
When do I know the difference between feeling called to act, or participate in a particular situation, verses knowing when I should stand back and have faith that I am NOT intended to change the dynamic of a situation by my stepping in?
When do I do the “right thing” in the name of the Divine, and when do I simply leave a situation alone, and simply trust that if a situation exists, that it must exist for a reason that is unfathomable to me and that it is the intention of the Divine that the situation occurs at all?
Sometimes people make hard lessons. Sometimes it seems the Divine makes hard lessons.
I don’t know the answer to this question. It is a question I ask myself many times in the course of a month. For now, I have decided to use what my heart tells me to do. I believe if I keep my heart tuned into the right place, then it will guide me appropriately. Having said that, I prefer to let all Spirits KEEP their free will. I will find other means of nudging them back on the path if I am called to do so. I figure, that if I “head someone off at the pass” and make decisions that affect someone else without their participation, then I would effectively be a “highway robber” and I would prevent that Spirit from learning what they would normally learn if they choose a path I do not recommend. In the “spirit” of that quandary, I raise awareness of the crossroads, and leave you to choose your own path.
Chiron'
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Marathon
The Kite Festival
Well, all week long I’ve been feeling anxious and tense without knowing what was going on.
This morning, I woke up and finally it hit me like an avalanche of pain.
Today is the Kite Festival.
For me, it’s an anniversary of sorts. Something that I really loved that I shared with someone I really loved. Someone who didn’t love me back.
I would love to be able to go, but I can’t. It’s still too painful. It’s incredible how something so innocuous can sneak up on me and just totally wipe me out with emotion.
I have been doing so much better lately, and now I feel like I have to start all over again. At times like this it feels like I will never escape this pain. Maybe the feeling will pass.
The magnitude of emotion that I am experiencing is really unbelievable. So powerful as to be able to seemingly wipe out all the sense of progress that I have made. It is able to minimize all of my accomplishments while maximizing my sense of futility, loss.
Lately it feels like my heart has been going through an obstacle course, and it hasn’t been doing very well. My tears blind me to what is up ahead. True to my nature, whether I clear the hurdles or not I keep going. It’s the only thing that I really know. . To just keep going. Like the stitch of pain in the side of a runner, the pain and emotion tries to disable me. Just keep going. Ignore the bloodcurdling screams of pain from within. Just keep going. Ignore the feelings of weak exhaustion and hopelessness. Just keep going. I have no understanding of where my destination lies, or why I find myself in this race. Just keep going. Eventually the pain and the run become one. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going.
“Don’t Stop.”
Well, all week long I’ve been feeling anxious and tense without knowing what was going on.
This morning, I woke up and finally it hit me like an avalanche of pain.
Today is the Kite Festival.
For me, it’s an anniversary of sorts. Something that I really loved that I shared with someone I really loved. Someone who didn’t love me back.
I would love to be able to go, but I can’t. It’s still too painful. It’s incredible how something so innocuous can sneak up on me and just totally wipe me out with emotion.
I have been doing so much better lately, and now I feel like I have to start all over again. At times like this it feels like I will never escape this pain. Maybe the feeling will pass.
The magnitude of emotion that I am experiencing is really unbelievable. So powerful as to be able to seemingly wipe out all the sense of progress that I have made. It is able to minimize all of my accomplishments while maximizing my sense of futility, loss.
Lately it feels like my heart has been going through an obstacle course, and it hasn’t been doing very well. My tears blind me to what is up ahead. True to my nature, whether I clear the hurdles or not I keep going. It’s the only thing that I really know. . To just keep going. Like the stitch of pain in the side of a runner, the pain and emotion tries to disable me. Just keep going. Ignore the bloodcurdling screams of pain from within. Just keep going. Ignore the feelings of weak exhaustion and hopelessness. Just keep going. I have no understanding of where my destination lies, or why I find myself in this race. Just keep going. Eventually the pain and the run become one. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going.
“Don’t Stop.”
Monday, February 25, 2008
Idle Thoughts...
Am I the only one who is getting more than a little pissed off about local government and their apparent lack of ability to prioritize and deal with the issue of high priced transportation?
The Government is seriously putting it TO us. Look at this.
Back in the day when gasoline was sub $2 a gallon it might have made a certain degree of sense to NOT deal with the issues of traffic, traffic flow, speed limits etc. However, NOW....it’s a different story.
The longer we wait to make this a red alert priority the more ALL of us will suffer.
I find it amazing that we have such a ridiculous situation as watching everyone completely freak out regarding the cost of fuel, yet, the number of tanks on the road has NOT significantly changed.
There was a time when drive through service was viable. At this point, I’m not sure we are doing ANYONE any favors by making window service at a drive-through available for any business that makes customers wait for longer than five minutes. Everywhere you look we have people waiting in a line of cars pumping exhaust into our fair city while accomplishing absolutely nothing. The streetlight situation is obscene. It didn’t really matter much in the past, what with 50% less cars on the road and fuel that was 50% the expense that it is today. But it certainly makes a difference now. Now, not only do we have more than twice as many cars on the road, idling in traffic at unnecessary stoplights, stuck in drive-throughs which are overloaded and take forever to get through, but also there is the flip-side of the argument. Once we actually get these vehicles packed onto the highway, and when traffic ISN”T at a dead standstill, why do we have speed limits which absolutely clog the highways ability to evacuate the traffic OUT of the area in a timely manner?
Am I the only one who sees that this is completely insane?
The solution.
Highways need traffic flow indicators spaced every so often which allow drivers to have advance warning of traffic conditions ahead. Speed limits need to be raised to 70m.p.h. in city limits and 80m.p.h. on the highway out of city limits. The law allowing people to pass on the right hand side of the road needs to be revoked. All passing should occur on the left hand side. The extreme right hand lane off an access road needs to have a speed limit which is low enough for people to actually have the ability to turn OFF and Get ON to it. Traffic lights THROUGHOUT the city need to me much more closely monitored for waste. They need to be synchronized and built with late night mode switching etc.
Folks, the more we bring traffic to a dead stop and having it sitting there, WAITING to move....the more unnecessary pollution we are pumping into the air in our fair city. The LONGER a trip takes to get from point a to point b, the more fuel we will expend, the more pollution we will create, the more stress we will place on our citizens tempers, wallets and their bodies. At a very basic level, this is bad for everything. Bad for business, bad for health, bad for creating unnecessary road rage, bad for creating excess pollution. Bad for making a trip across town cost a citizen much more than it has to.
We cannot do much about the explosive growth which has increased the number of cars on the roads, nor can we do much regarding the out of control inflation of the price of fuel. But what we, the citizens of this fine city CAN DO..........is make sure that when someone turns the key, that we aren’t flagrantly adding unnecessary pollution, frustration, and heat to our home here.
We do this by getting serious about dealing with the WAY we manage traffic on the roads. Keep vehicles moving....until they get to their destinations, and keep them moving to their destinations as fast as we can safely manage. Prevent.........cars from lining up on the highway to sit still and burn TONS of fuel while simultaneously producing TONS of pollution.
This isn’t something we need to talk about and kick around for a while.
This is something we need to deal with TODAY.
The Government is seriously putting it TO us. Look at this.
Back in the day when gasoline was sub $2 a gallon it might have made a certain degree of sense to NOT deal with the issues of traffic, traffic flow, speed limits etc. However, NOW....it’s a different story.
The longer we wait to make this a red alert priority the more ALL of us will suffer.
I find it amazing that we have such a ridiculous situation as watching everyone completely freak out regarding the cost of fuel, yet, the number of tanks on the road has NOT significantly changed.
There was a time when drive through service was viable. At this point, I’m not sure we are doing ANYONE any favors by making window service at a drive-through available for any business that makes customers wait for longer than five minutes. Everywhere you look we have people waiting in a line of cars pumping exhaust into our fair city while accomplishing absolutely nothing. The streetlight situation is obscene. It didn’t really matter much in the past, what with 50% less cars on the road and fuel that was 50% the expense that it is today. But it certainly makes a difference now. Now, not only do we have more than twice as many cars on the road, idling in traffic at unnecessary stoplights, stuck in drive-throughs which are overloaded and take forever to get through, but also there is the flip-side of the argument. Once we actually get these vehicles packed onto the highway, and when traffic ISN”T at a dead standstill, why do we have speed limits which absolutely clog the highways ability to evacuate the traffic OUT of the area in a timely manner?
Am I the only one who sees that this is completely insane?
The solution.
Highways need traffic flow indicators spaced every so often which allow drivers to have advance warning of traffic conditions ahead. Speed limits need to be raised to 70m.p.h. in city limits and 80m.p.h. on the highway out of city limits. The law allowing people to pass on the right hand side of the road needs to be revoked. All passing should occur on the left hand side. The extreme right hand lane off an access road needs to have a speed limit which is low enough for people to actually have the ability to turn OFF and Get ON to it. Traffic lights THROUGHOUT the city need to me much more closely monitored for waste. They need to be synchronized and built with late night mode switching etc.
Folks, the more we bring traffic to a dead stop and having it sitting there, WAITING to move....the more unnecessary pollution we are pumping into the air in our fair city. The LONGER a trip takes to get from point a to point b, the more fuel we will expend, the more pollution we will create, the more stress we will place on our citizens tempers, wallets and their bodies. At a very basic level, this is bad for everything. Bad for business, bad for health, bad for creating unnecessary road rage, bad for creating excess pollution. Bad for making a trip across town cost a citizen much more than it has to.
We cannot do much about the explosive growth which has increased the number of cars on the roads, nor can we do much regarding the out of control inflation of the price of fuel. But what we, the citizens of this fine city CAN DO..........is make sure that when someone turns the key, that we aren’t flagrantly adding unnecessary pollution, frustration, and heat to our home here.
We do this by getting serious about dealing with the WAY we manage traffic on the roads. Keep vehicles moving....until they get to their destinations, and keep them moving to their destinations as fast as we can safely manage. Prevent.........cars from lining up on the highway to sit still and burn TONS of fuel while simultaneously producing TONS of pollution.
This isn’t something we need to talk about and kick around for a while.
This is something we need to deal with TODAY.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Staring into the Abyss...
All this time I have been desirous of being able to take the time to just stop.
To reflect, and ponder the state of my affairs, to stop and check for my position on the map and ensure I am still on my intended path or find out that I have wandered into the rough.
I had a curious twist of insight, when I realized that in my ulitmate frustration of not being able to get anything done, that no matter what my intention I wound up each time I had an opportunity to sit still......that sitting still has been just about ALL that I could accomplish. The frustrations mounted continuously until, poised at the brink of an incredible silent scream, I realized........that maybe sitting still is what I am being directed to do. That Spirit has stopped me dead in my tracks with neck problems for....a reason.
Funny how I wasn’t able to manage to put together into my head the curious synchronicity of having an overwhelming DESIRE to sit still and do nothing with the overwhelming physical circumstance of not being ABLE to do anything more than sitting still. Yet still, I fought it. I am conditioned by this world to believe that because it is my nature to be still and reflect that this is a bad thing. I have been conditioned by the necessity of playing catch-up all the time to experience extreme guilt or anxiety if I am not constantly using the free time I have to attempt to gain ground in regard to my to-do list.
But is that really it? Not just for me, I mean, but for all of us?
Could it be that the reason we have difficulty sitting still anymore is because we have difficulty dealing with our lack of purpose when no task defines us with it’s necessity?
Could it be?
To be able to sit still. To be able to acknowledge self in the silence of stillness is to not use the denial of the mundane to shy away from the issue that we all must....inevitably.....face.
What purpose do I serve? Why am I here? What the HELL is this all about?
Corny as it may sound, I’ve always believed that I was here to do one thing. I’ve always believed I was here for the primary purpose of giving love to everyone. Ok, there is that, but the primary reason I am here is to teach a little bit. Yet the primary reason I am here is to consume mass quantities of fresh pizza. Yup, that and the primary reason that I am here is to be the consumer of fine chocolate. That is, when I’m not doing my primary purpose of drinking only the best coffee. I try to work that in when I’m not doing my primary work, bringing hope and a smile to those who need it. But it’s not all sweetness and light you know, sometimes I have the unpleasant duty of my primary purpose, witch is to teach through adversity. To bring about the circumstances witch will enable a spirit to burn away all of it’s impurities, so that it may recognize it’s own divine reflection. However, my primary purpose here is to be a lover of women.
That is, until I have to fulfill my primary purpose of living by example. Then there’s that other thing, my primary purpose, which is to teach each and every human being I meet, of how incredibly special, and beautiful they are, which is usually a very difficult task because they have been taught otherwise. Sometimes, I am called on to engage in my primary purpose, which is to challenge belief structures and show that everything is all part of the same ...pie.
I guess until I am called upon for my primary purpose, I’ll just sit here a while and stare into the abyss.
To reflect, and ponder the state of my affairs, to stop and check for my position on the map and ensure I am still on my intended path or find out that I have wandered into the rough.
I had a curious twist of insight, when I realized that in my ulitmate frustration of not being able to get anything done, that no matter what my intention I wound up each time I had an opportunity to sit still......that sitting still has been just about ALL that I could accomplish. The frustrations mounted continuously until, poised at the brink of an incredible silent scream, I realized........that maybe sitting still is what I am being directed to do. That Spirit has stopped me dead in my tracks with neck problems for....a reason.
Funny how I wasn’t able to manage to put together into my head the curious synchronicity of having an overwhelming DESIRE to sit still and do nothing with the overwhelming physical circumstance of not being ABLE to do anything more than sitting still. Yet still, I fought it. I am conditioned by this world to believe that because it is my nature to be still and reflect that this is a bad thing. I have been conditioned by the necessity of playing catch-up all the time to experience extreme guilt or anxiety if I am not constantly using the free time I have to attempt to gain ground in regard to my to-do list.
But is that really it? Not just for me, I mean, but for all of us?
Could it be that the reason we have difficulty sitting still anymore is because we have difficulty dealing with our lack of purpose when no task defines us with it’s necessity?
Could it be?
To be able to sit still. To be able to acknowledge self in the silence of stillness is to not use the denial of the mundane to shy away from the issue that we all must....inevitably.....face.
What purpose do I serve? Why am I here? What the HELL is this all about?
Corny as it may sound, I’ve always believed that I was here to do one thing. I’ve always believed I was here for the primary purpose of giving love to everyone. Ok, there is that, but the primary reason I am here is to teach a little bit. Yet the primary reason I am here is to consume mass quantities of fresh pizza. Yup, that and the primary reason that I am here is to be the consumer of fine chocolate. That is, when I’m not doing my primary purpose of drinking only the best coffee. I try to work that in when I’m not doing my primary work, bringing hope and a smile to those who need it. But it’s not all sweetness and light you know, sometimes I have the unpleasant duty of my primary purpose, witch is to teach through adversity. To bring about the circumstances witch will enable a spirit to burn away all of it’s impurities, so that it may recognize it’s own divine reflection. However, my primary purpose here is to be a lover of women.
That is, until I have to fulfill my primary purpose of living by example. Then there’s that other thing, my primary purpose, which is to teach each and every human being I meet, of how incredibly special, and beautiful they are, which is usually a very difficult task because they have been taught otherwise. Sometimes, I am called on to engage in my primary purpose, which is to challenge belief structures and show that everything is all part of the same ...pie.
I guess until I am called upon for my primary purpose, I’ll just sit here a while and stare into the abyss.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
My Watch has no second hand...
I was feeling detached. 2007’s holiday season had ended. Strange feelings of disorientation wash over me. Curious feelings of connection to a higher power flicker just out of the range of my radar, flickering and indistinct. One second there is something there; the next minute there is nothing. The ambiguity of my sense impressions, maddening.
One minute I feel like I am wasting time. Hours pass, the waves of emotion relentlessly crashing against the rocks of my sanity. The sand that I stand upon erodes beneath my feet as each new wave crashes into my world.
The next minute I become aware of some type of progress, as deep levels of my consciousness shift and move. New experiences and information being integrated into all that I am. At this point I feel like I am NOT wasting time. There is purpose. There is intent. There is structure, and therefore, reason.
I feel at a loss, to realize that I cannot control how fast I can collect and sift through all the data that is my world. I become excruciatingly aware that each second of the process is one more second of the time that I have on this earth to live, seemingly, lost.
I have great fear, that the time I spend in contemplation may be time wasted. Yet I am also aware that without some sense of understanding, the whole of my passage through this plane of existence becomes meaningless and therefore irrelevant.
I examine where it is that my time is spent.
It’s as if there is a constant power struggle going on between my spirit and the will of my body. Some of the time it feels as though my spirit is a prisoner to this body. It seems as if my spirit and my body are at odds with each other in competition for my attention. My spirit has it’s own agenda. It wants to explore, collect new information and experiences, soak up life like a sponge and then evaluate it, savor it. Contemplate it. My body on the other hand, demands that I do certain things to maintain it. Its’ demands are constant and time consuming. They often really annoy me.
First it wants to eat, and then it wants physical maintenance, cleaning, oiling, trimming, moisturizing, then styling and accessorizing. Then it wants to sleep. Demand demand demand. Sometimes I feel like looking this body straight in the eye and screaming at it, what about MY needs? If all that I am truly IS spirit, and this body is just the car that I drive to carry me around, the “spacesuit” that I must live in, in order to exist in this dimension, then I personally find it extremely inconvenient that I must spend so much time trying to do what is necessary to maintain this body. Often times it feels like my entire life is nothing more than a series of routines, which ultimately lead back to fulfilling my body’s constant demands. I am aware of this because of the experience I have had when I DON”T pay attention to maintaining this body and the subsequent pain and suffering that occurs from that negligence. I have learned from that experience who is really in charge here. So, sometimes it appears to me that I am nothing but a slave to the endless requirements of maintaining this body. Sometimes it’s just a damn pain in the ass.
I realize also, though, that it is my privilege to have this experience, in this plane of existence, here on this planet. That regardless of the fact that my body isn’t as expressive as I wish that it were, isn’t as tough as I wish that it was, isn’t as pleasing as I would like,
that it doesn’t matter. It is all that I have. I suppose there wouldn’t have been the internal arguments between my spirit and the will of my body if I were not already acutely aware of the fact my body is only temporary, a bit of knowledge that my body will forever be jealous of my spirit over. So the solution appears to be that we are going to have to compromise. I must balance the desires of my spirit and the will of my body. I will love it, despite its shortcomings, and interpret its demands for what they really are, an expression of a desire to be accepted and loved and paid attention to.
Because after all…these are the demands of all the bodies out there.
One minute I feel like I am wasting time. Hours pass, the waves of emotion relentlessly crashing against the rocks of my sanity. The sand that I stand upon erodes beneath my feet as each new wave crashes into my world.
The next minute I become aware of some type of progress, as deep levels of my consciousness shift and move. New experiences and information being integrated into all that I am. At this point I feel like I am NOT wasting time. There is purpose. There is intent. There is structure, and therefore, reason.
I feel at a loss, to realize that I cannot control how fast I can collect and sift through all the data that is my world. I become excruciatingly aware that each second of the process is one more second of the time that I have on this earth to live, seemingly, lost.
I have great fear, that the time I spend in contemplation may be time wasted. Yet I am also aware that without some sense of understanding, the whole of my passage through this plane of existence becomes meaningless and therefore irrelevant.
I examine where it is that my time is spent.
It’s as if there is a constant power struggle going on between my spirit and the will of my body. Some of the time it feels as though my spirit is a prisoner to this body. It seems as if my spirit and my body are at odds with each other in competition for my attention. My spirit has it’s own agenda. It wants to explore, collect new information and experiences, soak up life like a sponge and then evaluate it, savor it. Contemplate it. My body on the other hand, demands that I do certain things to maintain it. Its’ demands are constant and time consuming. They often really annoy me.
First it wants to eat, and then it wants physical maintenance, cleaning, oiling, trimming, moisturizing, then styling and accessorizing. Then it wants to sleep. Demand demand demand. Sometimes I feel like looking this body straight in the eye and screaming at it, what about MY needs? If all that I am truly IS spirit, and this body is just the car that I drive to carry me around, the “spacesuit” that I must live in, in order to exist in this dimension, then I personally find it extremely inconvenient that I must spend so much time trying to do what is necessary to maintain this body. Often times it feels like my entire life is nothing more than a series of routines, which ultimately lead back to fulfilling my body’s constant demands. I am aware of this because of the experience I have had when I DON”T pay attention to maintaining this body and the subsequent pain and suffering that occurs from that negligence. I have learned from that experience who is really in charge here. So, sometimes it appears to me that I am nothing but a slave to the endless requirements of maintaining this body. Sometimes it’s just a damn pain in the ass.
I realize also, though, that it is my privilege to have this experience, in this plane of existence, here on this planet. That regardless of the fact that my body isn’t as expressive as I wish that it were, isn’t as tough as I wish that it was, isn’t as pleasing as I would like,
that it doesn’t matter. It is all that I have. I suppose there wouldn’t have been the internal arguments between my spirit and the will of my body if I were not already acutely aware of the fact my body is only temporary, a bit of knowledge that my body will forever be jealous of my spirit over. So the solution appears to be that we are going to have to compromise. I must balance the desires of my spirit and the will of my body. I will love it, despite its shortcomings, and interpret its demands for what they really are, an expression of a desire to be accepted and loved and paid attention to.
Because after all…these are the demands of all the bodies out there.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy NYE!
I'm reminded of the movie "strange days" whenever nye rolls around. Katherine Bigalow managed to catch that bittersweet emotion on film regarding the feelings of departing the old while simultaneously being pregnant with expectation for the future.
2007 has been at best, one of the most challenging years of my life, so for me, the prospect of 2008 embodies an emergency altitude adjustment toward higher ground.
Here is hoping that you also allow yourself to let go of the old and embrace the new year in high hope of new possibility.
Happy New year!
Love Chiron'
2007 has been at best, one of the most challenging years of my life, so for me, the prospect of 2008 embodies an emergency altitude adjustment toward higher ground.
Here is hoping that you also allow yourself to let go of the old and embrace the new year in high hope of new possibility.
Happy New year!
Love Chiron'
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Less-Ons for More-Ons
Well, here we are at the end of another year.
For me, this year has been an absolute hurricane of change, both externally and internally. I find myself looking around this morning feeling like I have awakened from a terrible nightmare. The illusion where the actions of another have seemingly dictated extreme consequence in my life. The fear and pain of feeling completely out of control of a situation where there was simply no understanding. Feeling out of touch, literally and physically. Lost.
My guiding Spirit tells me that this is the direct result of my reaching out for connection to someone who simply wasn’t ABLE, or willing, to connect with me on the level that I had attempted to connect. The hurt, pain, confusion and subsequent despair that that missed connection created in me was beyond belief. Because I am so completely hardheaded, Spirit had to show this particular lesson to me multiple times, and in different ways during the course of this very difficult year. What I thought was a battle between my attempts at fulfilling my personal needs verses the external universe, and it’s unfathomable plan for either fulfilling or not fulfilling those needs wound up instead being the battle to recognize the boundaries between my needs and the needs of others. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that it is my experience that most of us have really no idea whatsoever what it is that we need. Hell, we don’t even seem to have the ability to recognize when someone is busy meeting the needs that we have that we are apparently otherwise completely unaware of.
This is hard. Coffee would help. Coffee always helps. Be right back.
Purrhaps I am going about trying to describe what I have learned here the wrong way.
Here is a fun way of saying it.
You know? You really never know what you need to know until you know that what you know isn’t what you think you know. You know?
No.
Crap, this is harder than I thought to get.
Okay, let’s try this:
In trying to understand the world around us, there are MANY variables.
The people in the world, the cause and effect relationship between all the people, what they THINK they want, what they REALLY want, how their wants affect us and our wants..........then the same equation setup for NEEDS.........and we haven’t even addressed the issue of people who state their wants and needs as something other than what they really are.....
Damn.
I am NOT giving up here. Is ANY of this making any sense?
There IS a point to all of this. Here it is.
The dynamic of all the needs wants and expectations that the people in our lives have of us and for us EASILY get tied into a huge knot of confusion. There is a way through the confusion.
To my knowledge and experience there is only ONE way to navigate through all this junk.
Truth.
I have to learn how to be honest TO MYSELF, about what it is that I really want. About what it is that I really NEED. I also have to learn to be able to LIVE in that truth and share that truth with the others in my life.
Living in my truth is my lifeline. It allows me to take a step forward and plant a stake of intention into the rock at my feet. It allows me to tie a lifeline to that stake to secure my progress and renew my intention. Without living in that truth, the howling winds of insanity and chaos threaten to sweep me away. They threaten to spin me around and make me walk in circles. They threaten to tangle and even strangle me with my own very good intention.
As I continue on this walk through my life, I have to be aware and learn to determine the difference between other hikers who also live in their truth, and the hikers who have the best intentions, but walk without a lifeline of truth (and are always subject to being blown off course). These hikers will never understand that they are not making progress, because they do not acknowledge the need to use the lifeline of truth. They often have the very BEST of intentions, but are unable to realize them because they are always subject to being blown off course by the winds of chaos and RARELY are even AWARE that such a thing has happened to them in the first place.
Progress is slower and more arduous when a hiker has to pause, to stake intention and tie truth to it at every few paces, but the outcome OF progress by this method is ASSURED.
Moreover, as I become more proficient in this process, I discover that other hikers who use the same method welcome me. The ease of understanding between these hikers is at once intimate and secure. I find that the more I walk with my truth, the stronger that that line has become. My truth will support several hikers in the event of an unforeseen windstorm, and it becomes stronger every day.
This lesson is what I hope that Spirit was trying to teach me this year. Whether or not it was the lesson that was intended is unknown. However, it is the wisdom that I have learned.
Chiron’
For me, this year has been an absolute hurricane of change, both externally and internally. I find myself looking around this morning feeling like I have awakened from a terrible nightmare. The illusion where the actions of another have seemingly dictated extreme consequence in my life. The fear and pain of feeling completely out of control of a situation where there was simply no understanding. Feeling out of touch, literally and physically. Lost.
My guiding Spirit tells me that this is the direct result of my reaching out for connection to someone who simply wasn’t ABLE, or willing, to connect with me on the level that I had attempted to connect. The hurt, pain, confusion and subsequent despair that that missed connection created in me was beyond belief. Because I am so completely hardheaded, Spirit had to show this particular lesson to me multiple times, and in different ways during the course of this very difficult year. What I thought was a battle between my attempts at fulfilling my personal needs verses the external universe, and it’s unfathomable plan for either fulfilling or not fulfilling those needs wound up instead being the battle to recognize the boundaries between my needs and the needs of others. Of course, it doesn’t help matters that it is my experience that most of us have really no idea whatsoever what it is that we need. Hell, we don’t even seem to have the ability to recognize when someone is busy meeting the needs that we have that we are apparently otherwise completely unaware of.
This is hard. Coffee would help. Coffee always helps. Be right back.
Purrhaps I am going about trying to describe what I have learned here the wrong way.
Here is a fun way of saying it.
You know? You really never know what you need to know until you know that what you know isn’t what you think you know. You know?
No.
Crap, this is harder than I thought to get.
Okay, let’s try this:
In trying to understand the world around us, there are MANY variables.
The people in the world, the cause and effect relationship between all the people, what they THINK they want, what they REALLY want, how their wants affect us and our wants..........then the same equation setup for NEEDS.........and we haven’t even addressed the issue of people who state their wants and needs as something other than what they really are.....
Damn.
I am NOT giving up here. Is ANY of this making any sense?
There IS a point to all of this. Here it is.
The dynamic of all the needs wants and expectations that the people in our lives have of us and for us EASILY get tied into a huge knot of confusion. There is a way through the confusion.
To my knowledge and experience there is only ONE way to navigate through all this junk.
Truth.
I have to learn how to be honest TO MYSELF, about what it is that I really want. About what it is that I really NEED. I also have to learn to be able to LIVE in that truth and share that truth with the others in my life.
Living in my truth is my lifeline. It allows me to take a step forward and plant a stake of intention into the rock at my feet. It allows me to tie a lifeline to that stake to secure my progress and renew my intention. Without living in that truth, the howling winds of insanity and chaos threaten to sweep me away. They threaten to spin me around and make me walk in circles. They threaten to tangle and even strangle me with my own very good intention.
As I continue on this walk through my life, I have to be aware and learn to determine the difference between other hikers who also live in their truth, and the hikers who have the best intentions, but walk without a lifeline of truth (and are always subject to being blown off course). These hikers will never understand that they are not making progress, because they do not acknowledge the need to use the lifeline of truth. They often have the very BEST of intentions, but are unable to realize them because they are always subject to being blown off course by the winds of chaos and RARELY are even AWARE that such a thing has happened to them in the first place.
Progress is slower and more arduous when a hiker has to pause, to stake intention and tie truth to it at every few paces, but the outcome OF progress by this method is ASSURED.
Moreover, as I become more proficient in this process, I discover that other hikers who use the same method welcome me. The ease of understanding between these hikers is at once intimate and secure. I find that the more I walk with my truth, the stronger that that line has become. My truth will support several hikers in the event of an unforeseen windstorm, and it becomes stronger every day.
This lesson is what I hope that Spirit was trying to teach me this year. Whether or not it was the lesson that was intended is unknown. However, it is the wisdom that I have learned.
Chiron’
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